Posted under: Life

This was sparked by the questions brought forth by MaximMan.

Did you crush on anyone this year? Did you have your heart broken? Did you break any hearts? Did you fall in love? In terms of romance, I made progress with myself and my habits. I started off pretty rocky until June when I realized that no matter what I was going to do, I couldn’t make things return to the way they were. Although still hurt and broken, I had to let him go. Even after June, I had issues, but things are much better now. I started to date again. I went on my first get-to-know-you date. Strange, isn’t it? Normally, by the time I went out with someone on a date, we had already established strong mutual feelings for one another. This time, I had to do everything new and it was a good experience. I slid down a concrete slide and overdressed for a ball game. At the end of it all, I realized that I deserve so much more and that I shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t want the same things I do. I should be out there looking for my prince.

Did you do something that you’ve always wanted to do, but were too scared to try? Did you do something that you now regret? Did you do something that you DID regret, but now see it as having been a good choice? I did a few new things this year: I got my navel pierced (I had always been scared), I got lap dances by women, flew domestically, worked in retail, exercised (through a PE class) four days a week for 12 weeks, kissed two chicks, and a bunch of other less important things. The one thing that I regret doing is not realizing what I should have been doing all along: Stop talking to his ass. My continuation of trying to be his friend made my healing process much worse. This last one is a little silly, but I went clubbing with the wrong shoes to go clubbing with; my feet were killing me - bad choice in shoes. So I took a break and sat down which is where I met EC which then led to our short time together. As short as it was, it taught me a lot about myself and about dating.

How old did you turn this year? How old do you FEEL? Forever 21 baby! Though I swear to you, I didn’t think it could’ve come soon enough.

Did you get taller this year? Did you lose or gain weight as compared to December ‘07? No, I stopped growing taller a long time ago unfortunately. Onto the second question, I lost a considerable amount of weight, gained it back, and lost it all. I still need to lose a few more, but this is probably the lightest I’ve been in a while and it’s great.

What is the ONE thing you would change about ‘08? (internally or externally) Do you think you accomplished more in 2008 or in 2007? Overall, are you happy with how you did for yourself? I can’t change anything because without the experiences I had, I wouldn’t have grown to be the person I am today. If anything, I would have moved my birthday up a few months so I wouldn’t have had to borrow my roommate’s ID. Surviving every year is an accomplishment for me. With me, there’s always something going on and I strive to take a lesson out of every bad thing that happens to me. I’m not done growing and in a way, I don’t think I ever will be. I may be content with who I am, but I’m always going to see things I want to change about myself and that’s just how it’s going to be.

Tags: 2008, introspection, reflection, review

Posted under: Life, Thoughts

I was thinking in bed the other day about this friend I have. I’m completely attracted to him, but I know not to make a move because he’s already got a girl. However, our sexual tension is quite massive and I told him that I don’t mind staying his friend as long as I don’t get very inebriated alone in his presence.

That got me thinking about our choices, our desires, our impulses. See, I think that the substances (alcohol, weed, etc) allow us to put down our barriers. In a sense, we’ve all got certain desires, but when sober, we don’t act on them for different reasons. I know that if I were to drink, my judgment would be impaired and I would be more likely to act on impulse than to think it through. However, this doesn’t mean that everything can happen. If you’ve thought about a particular act and have absolutely no intention or desire to do it, even when impaired, you still won’t act on it.

By letting go some of our inhibitions, people can really see what it is that we want or feel. Sure, there are still many cases in which this thought of mine can be disproved, but for the most part, in harmless cases, I find this to be true.

Whether sober or impaired, have you ever done anything that you thought you’d never do? How did you feel afterward?

For me, I’ve had sex with people that I probably shouldn’t have for different reasons. I’ve also said goofy things and apparently, am a little violent. The second statement though, would probably happen without alcohol.

The two times in which I’ve had sex… well, one made me feel awful because I knew that if word ever got out, someone would get hurt. The second was a bad decision because I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

As for being sober, the whole Stockton Boy debacle was something that I thought I wasn’t capable of and how it makes me feel now is disappointed and ashamed at myself for doing such things. However, I don’t want to say that I regret making those decisions; I take every situation as a life experience and from that whole mess, I learned a lot about myself.

Tags: desires, drinking, impaired, impairment, inebriation, judgment, truth